The following is derived from reflection upon the loss of a loved one. It is in no way intended as a comparison to any past or future relationships.
If someone has had to pleasure and gift of such an experience there is no doubt what it is that one feels. When one is asking another of what is true love, it also tells me that they are seeking it from an external source. Many many people go for many years seeking such Love externally. This kind of seeking love will never be fulfilling. It will never be real, never true, never pure. Only superficial.
Reflecting back in time in late 2013, I recall Tara(now deceased) and I talking. We were talking about love. Our love for not only ourselves but for one another. This conversation did not last just a few mins or even a few hours. We spent an entire weekend talking of this love, this love we had found, or it found Us. Our one desire and one wish was that we wanted everyone to be able to experience this. That this was a must for all to have at least once in their lifetime. We always said we collided at the same time, on the same spot in our spiritual journey. In my opinion, there is but only one way for Love to even be possible. That is by allowing. It can only be said in hind site, that I was actually allowing a teacher into my life, to teach me how to Love.
By allowing what is to be, to just be. We would always say, there is no pushing, no pulling, only allowing. We quickly knew that the Universe was bringing us together for something much larger than either one of us could begin to understand. But how it got to that point, was by allowing. We were both in a place where we were allowing life to come in and not force anything to be as we think it should be. But as it saw fit. It is an amazing feeling to not force life to operate on our timetables. Which is, of course, the ego-driven life. We were free of the ego driven life. We had allowed the universe to take its course to bring us together, to experience this uncharted territory. It would forever alter who I am as a man. I think allowing things to be takes a great amount of acceptance. We must accept it, whatever it is. It cannot always be seen as bad but as a necessary part of the furthering of the spiritual journey within.
Our discussion on Love would take many twists and turns throughout the course of the weekend. I will state at this point, that none of our discussions were short. We always had so much to say. It felt so very important to both of us that we share these things, anything. We did know that is was first and foremost a true love of self. One must have an absolute Love of self in order to allow for Love to step into our lives. This Love of self is not the conceited love of self, but the pure acceptance of who we are as spiritual beings living a human existence. Love comes from within, that where it all starts. How can we expect to love another and not love ourselves first? Doing so without the love of self first is seeking it from external sources. Externally equals temporary and unfulfilled. I think it fair to state that in order to be true to oneself, that one should not seek an unhealthy relationship for the sake of companionship. Herein lies our humanness. Our human need for touch and a warm body nearby. Ultimately when love really fills our heart, there is no need for this. As human beings, we all do ultimately have a genuine need for touch, so it is not to say that that we don’t need it. It’s just to say, do not fulfill this genuine need for touch with something that’s unhealthy, or not good for you.
Those external sources will fill a variety of roles for that person. It fills a perceived void in their lives, where one thinks that they are not complete without another. This turns into an unhealthy relationship. When one requires another for “completeness”, it becomes somewhat codependent. When we have Love from within, we do not need another person to make us whole. We are already whole. External sources will also rid one of fear, the fear of being alone. The kicker here is that when we come from a place of love in our everyday lives, we are Love, we are not alone. Fill the heart with Love, and fear will subside if not completely disappear.
In order to experience love, we also came to the conclusion that one must live in it. If we as people have hatred for others, there is no way to feel this kind of love. It just is not possible. We must have a love for all beings, big and small. This, of course, includes nature. Living in love is, and can be expressed in our everyday lives. With those we interact with, the people we meet on the street. This does not mean to go up to everyone and say “I love you”, but feel it in your heart. They too have the ability to love beyond limits. It is vital to treat all with love. This helps to eradicate any feelings of dislike or hatred, and I also believe division. Which brings me to the next part, unity; the opposite of division.
Living a life of divisiveness cannot lead to love. If we are whole as people, why would we think of ourselves as divided from another, think that we are better than another? We all come from the same place, we are all one. Our world today is filled with division, we just don’t always see it. We take whole races and religious sects and think of them as different. Or think that they are wrong. No one is wrong, no one is right for that matter. We just are. This topic itself could be discussed in much greater detail, but that would detract from the original intention. I witness division every day. The beauty of this is that I am aware that it is division, I do not, however, have to take part in it. So to ask the question, how can you have a love for all, but hate something? it cannot exist together. Anything less is not love.
I think that Love cannot be discussed without gratitude. To be truly grateful for all we are, for what we have, for who we are. I was so grateful that she was a part of my life. That we could share our lives with each other. It was not a requirement that they be in it. Just to share in it. To accentuate that which we already had. A very beautiful place to be in. I was truly humbled and grateful to be in her presence. I was grateful for each and every moment we spent talking, laughing, or just in silence. It was as if we didn’t have to say anything, we just knew.
One of the hardest things to do is to work on oneself to be the healthiest they can be before entering into a love based relationship. And I stress love-based relationship as opposed to lust based. We as humans have become impatient, we want it now. Patience is required here. I say this in the context of those things mentioned earlier, allowing, accepting, unity(non-divisiveness), gratitude and now patience. Patience is vastly underrated and cannot be overstated. We must be patient with ourselves to allow for the universe to work in its time. We as humans think we can control outcomes or situations or even decide who is best for us by limiting who is allowed to love us. We limit with educational requirements, income, material possessions, skin color, religious affiliations. All of which are a form of division and ultimately come from a place of fear. Again fill the heart with love, and love will find you. It is the simple law of attraction. We can’t completely get rid of the ego, but we can limit its control over our thoughts and ultimately actions. Think about it for a moment, an argument with someone is the ego defending its position on something, usually division. The ego does not want to be wrong, it must be right and always in fear and defense mode. Let it go and fear will leave you. Fill it with Love, and love will find you. We are all energetic and vibrational beings. The laws of physics even state that you will be found. And the law of attraction makes it so.
The beauty of true love is that it has no boundaries. It is limitless and infinite. I learned a long time ago, that if you have to ask yourself whether or not someone loves you, then they don’t. Love cannot contain itself. This sounds harsh, but it is true. Love will express itself in the sweetest of subtle ways. If we are not looking we would clearly miss them. The point is to have one’s eyes wide open, and the heart even wider. Since we are all one, we all have the ability to love without limits. There are those who choose differently, and for those, my hope is one day the light comes shining in. In the end, there is no one thought, one word, or even many words that describe true love. It cannot be described, therefore, true love is simply indescribable. You will know it when there are no words to accurately describe how you feel about someone. I know this because I have tried. I still cannot explain it.