I happened across this today while going through some old files on a hard drive. It contains not only some of my files, but some of my wifes as well. This was something that she had saved from quite some time ago, most likely during one of our “off” moments.
The reason this is significant and profound is that this is exactly how I have been feeling lately, or should I say, demanding. It took several reads to finally get my ego in check, to the point where I had to look in the mirror. It’s not easy admitted one’s own faults and flaws, but in my case this was very necessary.
You see, I am a thinker, an overthinker. Sometimes I let my brains cloud my heart, when I know better. My brains have gotten me into much more trouble than my heart has. Yet I will still find some way to justify using my brains, instead of just trusting in my heart.
This particular site and post for that matter is not read by many, and that’s ok. It is a means of self expression and an outlet for some of my deepest thoughts. I don’t seek the approval of anyone, but I do have to own my shit so to speak. This is my way of cleaning my side of the street so that I can lay my head down at night. Of course sometimes it just takes time.
Please read the following excerpt and ponder it. Ponder it until it finally hits you square in the face, I am human, I am not perfect, I will always make mistakes, and my brains are not always right.
Excerpt from “The Gift From the Sea” found on Todays Weddings website.
By Anne Morrow Lindbergh
When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor looking forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands. One must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits – islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continually visited and abandoned by the tides.
-Anne Morrow Lindbergh-