Category: blog post (page 1 of 2)

The Amazing Mind

I sit today and wonder at how our minds and subconscious try and tell us things about ourselves that need to be addressed. My particular mind has been on overtime as of late and decided to take a rest yesterday. Funny thing, it happens about 2 days before a full moon. What I have found is that it ONLY happens when I am more in tune, more awake, more aware, and overall consciously living.

In my opinion the mind is connected to a conscious universe that will put in place that which we think into it. As a direct result the mind can also tell us things that we need to know, and some we don’t. These can be sometimes hard to see or recognize and can come in many forms. This is where being awake enough to recognize it and do something about it comes into play. First it must be considered if it really does have some significant value. We, dare I say, ALWAYS, have two choices…to discard it, or to recognize it and address it. If we find that is has value then, and only then can we address it.

I know I may seem a bit vague here, but these things really come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, thoughts, people, dreams, deja vu moments. As far as addressing whatever it may be, that is solely up to us if we want to continue to grow. Many of the things placed before us are for that very reason, growth. It may be mental, physical, or spiritual. I might add that growth is not always a pleasant thing. In fact, in most cases, there is some pain associated with it, hence the phrase “growing pains”. Our minds, subconsciously and otherwise, try to get us to see certain things it feels it needs to continue to evolve.

We rarely remain in a constant state, other than the constant state of flux. I am of the opinion that our minds really do feed the soul. The soul could be considered as the ultimate recipient of the growth involved. I always say the only constant in life is that of change.

Copyright 2019

Dreams

I am one who thinks that our dreams have meaning, but not all of them. There are ones that can be very profound and speak to you in ways that your awakened mind cannot. I think there are also dreams that can be interpreted or misinterpreted. I do believe it depends on the website you are visiting. I speak of this particular subject because sometimes dreams are easy to read into. I think they can be made out to be whatever our imagination and or mood is at the time. And when overthought about it, it can cloud our hearts and our minds. I would like to share two examples.

The first real and profound dream I had came about two and a half years after my fiance (Tara) passed away. Funny thing was, that I had not had any of her except this. I had just bought a new pair of sneakers, which I normally will wear them until they wear out, but I was overdue.

I woke up in the middle of the night to open my eyes to what I would call a moving blackness that seemed to swirl around the room. It didn’t seem to bother me so I went back to sleep. It seems as though I feel asleep quickly and began my short dream. Tara was standing near the bed looking at my new shoes. It was then that she looked at me and said you need to get some new shoes. My reply was that I just got new shoes. She then said in a stern voice, No! You need to get a new pair of shoes and use them. Then she left.

When I awoke in the morning, I knew exactly what she was talking about. She was telling me to move forward. I was in a relationship at the time with my now wife, but I had become reluctant to give myself fully. To me this was a clear sign that I needed to move forward and allow myself to go through the process. To me it was profound and had meaning.

A second dream was one that I had of a mentor of mine. He had been very ill and placed on life support. At the families request they asked for no visitors. The night before I found out he was on life support, he came to me in a dream. We were on a golf course and he was walking away from me up the fairway. He turned to me, tipped his hat, and said, “see you around old buddy”. He passed away 3 days later.

This is profound to me because he did something that I was unable to do, and that was to say goodbye. When I awoke the next morning is when I began to place phone calls to see how he was doing. It wasn’t until then that I knew he was on life support. Something I will never forget and I know I will see him again one day.

Copyright 2019

Inspired by the Heart

Today I was inspired to write about the heart, or my heart more specifically. The heart in general can such a touchy subject matter, often wavering between the physical and the non-physical. I reference my heart today, as well as my soul in the non-physical form.. Funny thing with hearts, they can be so fragile, yet so resilient.

My heart tends to remain happy. My heart is so grateful that it gets to share this journey of life with my best friend, my companion, my lover, and dare I say my soul mate.

Souls, this is what really leads my topic today. I think souls seek out to find balance in the Universe, meaning they seek out other souls unlike them. Most would probably disagree with the above but think about it for a moment…If our heart and souls sought out something similar or the same it never presents a challenge. No challenge equals no growth.

Think about it like this, if you consistently surround yourself with people who think, act, and believe exactly as you do, there is nothing there to challenge our intellect. I believe most surround themselves with sameness because its comfortable. This is where the mundane and the ordinary lye. It is outside of this comfort zone where real growth and evolution happen. If there were never any questions then how can there possibly be any growth? Both mentally and spiritually? I believe our souls, when we really listen to them do the same thing. They have to evolve and grow. It does not mean your chosen soul has to be challenging in a negative way, although it can be at times. But it challenges who we think we should be. When our souls lead us to who we really are and who we are to become.

I have been blessed to have found the one soul that is, in my opinion, the yin to my yang. Does it meant that everything is always easy, no! Go back to the thought of comfortable. Change and growth lies in the areas of discomfort, which most humans cannot stand, unless they are willing to follow their heart and soul to the one that will promote this very growth and evolution it seeks. It just so happens that I love and care for this soul so very deeply, and as a direct result I hold her heart ever so gently, yet firmly in my hands. Caring for it always, how it feels and responds and grows with mine.

This heart and soul belongs to my wife Suzann. Funny how people can be so very similar and yet so very different. It is actually in the differences where the balance lies. I know this can be hard to comprehend but if you have two people on the same side of a see-saw, its just going to stay there. But, one on each end balances it out, although it may wax and wane, it becomes balanced. I call this the spice of our life. It makes life interesting, fun, different and yes sometimes challenging. I have to remind myself sometimes it is here where growth is. It, my soul, knows what it needs, I just have to make sure that I always continue to listen and follow it. These differences are not meant to change or sway one another to our own opinions, they are simply there for continued growth and evolution. In my limited personal experience it is in the growth where life continues to be amazing, amazingly different, amazingly fun, and amazingly challenging. I Love you babe, always you, only you!

Copyright 2019

Humanness

Those of us who are on some semblance of a spiritual path in the attempt to find either meaning, purpose, or simply to be open to the lessons from the mistakes along the way, these are my thoughts on humanness, or more accurately described, those things we do and think that go against what we feel we should be thinking.

Fact of the matter is that in our desperate attempts at the above, we will always fall short, be less than perfect. It is here that lies our humanness. I would define it as thinking or speaking anything other than what we feel we should be. It is in accepting this part of our brains that venture outside the realms in which we think we should exist.

It is also in this acceptance where we must have compassion for ourselves in thinking, acting, and sometimes reacting to lifes little lessons and tests that come our way. The most important thing we can do is have an awareness when these do occur. The awareness gives us the opportunity to address it, change it, and do it better next time.

Spending the time beating ourselves up over what ultimately are the trivialities of life is futile. Nothing is learned here. TBC…

Copyright 2019

Change

Could not fall back to sleep this morning. So I decided to do some writing instead. As of late I am undergoing an internal process of change, one that has become painful. Funny how we seem to think that we have completely dealt with our own issues from the past. I am in no way saying that I need to live in it, however, to be completely free of any “baggage” that has remained, it must be acknowledged, addressed, and dealt with.

The word change is an oxymoron. Change by the very definition is a transformation or transition from one state, condition, or phase to another: the change of seasons. Yet change is the only thing that remains constant. It is one of the very few reliable constants we experience every day of our lives. Literally, everything will change, whether we like it or not. Most will try to control the change that occurs so it is always to our liking and specifications. Which is the ego running our lives. This will always lead to unhappiness and discontent, feeling unfulfilled with our lives.

I am not one of those people who can just let life pass me by without trying to be the best person I can be, or should I say at least trying to be better than I was the day before. Being that, to me, means simply being authentic and genuine. It is during these times when I feel most at peace with myself and everyone around me. As I stated in an earlier post it seems to me that I wax and wane from time to time. I think its human nature to do so. I also believe that its the Universes way of keeping us in check. After all, it will continue to place in front of you that which you have yet to learn, and will continue to do so until you do. We always seem to wonder why we continue to recreate experiences from the past…this is why. It will continue until we finally get it, and make a conscious choice to learn from it, and grow into our true selves.

With this process I think it must be said that there is and has to be a great amount of acceptance for those in our lives. I mean accepting all people for exactly where they are. This is not directed towards anyone in particular, but simply accepting everyone and how they choose to live and experience life. With this comes acceptance of our own selves and our humanness first and foremost. How can we accept another if we cannot accept ourselves? I am one who can be particularly hard on myself, which didn’t just happen over night. I too must accept myself exactly where I am, and trust in the Universe to guide me wherever it sees fit. I must allow, and I stress the word allow, this to happen, instead of forcing life. Life becomes so much more difficult, unfulfilling, and frustrating when we constantly force things, especially as it relates to our own personal growth.

I do not necessarily believe in spending my entire life to find, or define my lifes purpose. I do think however that we are guided to do certain things to contribute to the well being of not only ourselves, but humanity as a whole. We simply have to open our eyes enough and be willing to take on the challenge. Yes there are those who have a “calling” so to speak, but I do feel that has to eventually change to some degree as we never stay exactly the same. We are constantly growing and evolving, and with our experiences comes change. If we choose to close the doors placed before us, we then become stagnant in our ever evolving growth process. Those who choose this way of life, in my opinion, will always be unhappy and unfulfilled. Seeking a better life, happier life, doing the same thing they have always done without growing and learning will always produce the same results. This would be the Universe, yet again, continuing to place in front of you that which you have yet to learn.

Copyright 2019

The Importance of Silence

I have come to understand the importance of silence, not only while alone, but also with another, in my case my wife. I am a thinker, an analyzer, an observer, basically speaking I sometimes mistake the silence for there being something wrong. At least that what my overactive brain tells me. It is in these moments when I must shut my brain off and open my heart.

When I am active in my head I tend to assume that there must be something wrong. That in turn leads to questions, and the answers to those questions are never fully satisfied in the moments of silence. When I just listen to the silence with my heart, it in turn has no questions, no judgement, no assumptions. It is in these moments of quiet with my heart open that I must respect the other persons wishes to do so. Their reasons are varied, however, when it is stated to just be, just be in silence, and when I respect her wishes, that is when I feel closest at that moment with my wife. There are times when that is the only way to just slow down while in the presence of another. Sitting closely, holding hands, and just being. Being present without words spoken.

This is something that I actually struggle with. I often have questions to which I just need the answers to. Sometimes the questions are trivial, sometimes not. I am learning that silence, and I mean the comfortable type, is just ok. Where I need to be a bit more understanding is when another has had an extremely long week, talking all week, and listening to another persons woes, just does not feel like talking, or answering lots of questions for that matter.

On the other hand, when I genuinely respect the silence, it is reciprocated in many other ways. Sitting together even closer, holding each other, with the occasional gentle kiss with an even deeper loving look into my eyes. I have found that there is nothing quite like it. I have come to the realization that the deepest connection between two people happens when there are no words used at all.

I chose to write about my humanness, because I am far from perfect. One thing I do try and do is learn from these little lessons in life that teach me to be a better listener, a better husband, and a better friend. When I fail to recognize my faults and flaws, and more importantly, own them, then I have become unteachable. I must always be willing to take a look in the mirror, and remain teachable.

So what did I really learn from all this? Silence and quiet are just as important as communication. Words can tend to cloud our feelings and emotions, if not alter them all together. It is in this silence where the most tender of moments can be felt, experienced, and cherished with the heart. Tonight I am grateful for the moments of silence uncomplicated with words.

Copyright 2019

A look back…

I was recently asked to look back at my life over the last few years. Something I don’t particularly like to do, but need to do none the less. Upon reflection of this it became somewhat painful, almost in a way of reliving whatever it was that I was talking about.

I have come to understand why this may be necessary to do from time to time. Not in a way of visiting it just to tell a story, but in a way of learning more about myself, as well as what did I learn from it? In this particular case pain is a necessary part of our human growth and evolution. We must know and recognize the pain in order to know and recognize joy, and inner peace.

Copyright 2019

If I knew I was going to die soon, what would I do? How would I feel? How would I live?

I’ve pondered this since learning of people in my life who have been given a very finite time in which they will live. It came flooding in as I was laying in bed last night.

Morbid topic, I know, but I think it must be considered when we have a choice to really live. Truth is we don’t know when we will cease to exist on this human earthly plane. It could be 6 minutes, 6 days, or 60 years. So why is it that people choose not to live life fully? Fully present? Fully aware? Fully awake? Why do we as humans choose anything less? I think it stems from fear.

I think many have a fear of the unknown, fear of letting go, a genuine fear of not being able to control what comes in and out of our lives, despite our most valiant attempts. We must control our lives so that we can control the outcome. Ha! Such bullshit! Are we that egotistical to actually think we can control everything?

It has been in my limited personal experience that life, living, gives back what we put into it. So…back to the original question, what would I do? I guess that would all depend on what I perceive would bring me inner peace and happiness. If I believe that I am the soul creator of my own inner peace, happiness, and real joy, then I know there is no external force, thing, experience, or activity that could possibly takes its place. On the contrary, if I sought happiness from others, from people, from experiences then I would have to say that I would be totally wreckless in seeking that which I thought would bring me happiness. Which of course is only temporary. I would do it selfishly, for my own gain.

I am grateful to not be that way at all. So…what would I do? I would make sure to show those around me unconditional love. I would teach any and all willing to listen what it really means to live and love without limits. We are all teachers and students at various points in our lives. Old age, in my opinion, does not qualify a person to be a teacher, for they may still have much to learn. Experiences don’t necessarily qualify a person either. Wisdom does come from experiences, life, mistakes, being human…but wisdom in which to teach, to share, comes from learning from all those things put before us in our lives. All placed before each and every one of us to make us better people, kinder people, more compassionate people, more loving people. If we could all just open our eyes wide enough to see the lessons in everything.

Imagine if a very selfish person who was filled with hate, division, and negativity actually got a taste of what it feels like to live a life of bliss and a life of joy. Whether or not they actually do some work and allow it is irrelevant at this point. But what if they could get a glimpse of it, feel it for just a day? Imagine the impact this could have on their life. I think this begs to ask, how can we take someone from their own personal hell, to a life of bliss? The simple answer, one moment at a time. Being absolutely present in it, being fully present in our interactions. Treating that moment and each one thereafter as if it was your last.

Why is it that something so simple can be so complex? Many are busy trying to control the outcomes of there lives. Shaping and molding it so that the ending fits the one living in their head. Yes our lives are malleable to a certain extent. And yes I believe we can attract more positive in our lives with right motive, right thought, and right action. But we must give up the illusion that we are in total control in our lives. Living this way will always create fear and anxiety, and ultimately disappointment. When we have these expectations of how our lives should be, we will always be disappointed and let down. Nothing will ever be enough.

We as humans tend to live our lives with the age old question, whats next? Truth be known there is no whats next. This only exists in our minds, going from one thing to the next without much thought, without slowing down enough to actually be present in that which we are doing this very moment. Back to why is this so complex? Our minds/egos use activities to fulfill what it perceives to be happiness. The sad reality of this is that it is only temporary. Then once the mind becomes bored and no longer fulfilled, its on to the next thing on its agenda. All of this is but a mere illusion the mind plays on us in order to create the outcome of our lives. To create yet another illusion of living and being successful.

In my opinion the success of our lives lies in our day to day, moment to moment thoughts, actions, and interactions. The idea of “the american dream” has been created to imprison each and every one of us to work and slave ourselves to death so that we can attain the american dream. When we fall prey to this we create our own prison. We have sentenced ourselves to working our lives away just to keep all the things that make up the american dream. Something most of us were taught as children. You need to have this to be successful in life. So as a result, success, happiness, and joy were instilled in us very early on as a comparison to everyone else, or as we were told how it should be. In case you haven’t figured this out, this is all an illusion. Our happiness, success, and joy should never be compared with another, nor established by another.

In the end, to quote a Tim McGraw song, we should all “live like we were dying”. This is in no way an excuse for bad or harmful behavior, but simply as way to be, a way to live. It is the only way in which to grow, to love, to be kind, and compassionate towards others. And ultimately live with no judgment, and most importantly, live a life free of fear. So forgive yourself for your past mistakes, learn from them. They were all placed there by design to help us become better human beings. Forget the future, that’s where the fear lies. There is no future, all we really have is right now.

Copyright 2019

Being Present…12/28/2018

I happened across this today while going through some old files on a hard drive. It contains not only some of my files, but some of my wifes as well. This was something that she had saved from quite some time ago, most likely during one of our “off” moments.

The reason this is significant and profound is that this is exactly how I have been feeling lately, or should I say, demanding. It took several reads to finally get my ego in check, to the point where I had to look in the mirror. It’s not easy admitted one’s own faults and flaws, but in my case this was very necessary.

You see, I am a thinker, an overthinker. Sometimes I let my brains cloud my heart, when I know better. My brains have gotten me into much more trouble than my heart has. Yet I will still find some way to justify using my brains, instead of just trusting in my heart.

This particular site and post for that matter is not read by many, and that’s ok. It is a means of self expression and an outlet for some of my deepest thoughts. I don’t seek the approval of anyone, but I do have to own my shit so to speak. This is my way of cleaning my side of the street so that I can lay my head down at night. Of course sometimes it just takes time.

Please read the following excerpt and ponder it. Ponder it until it finally hits you square in the face, I am human, I am not perfect, I will always make mistakes, and my brains are not always right.

Copyright 2019

Excerpt from “The Gift From the Sea” found on Todays Weddings website.

By Anne Morrow Lindbergh

When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We  have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor looking forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands. One must accept  them  for what they are here and now, within their limits – islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continually visited and abandoned by the tides.

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh-

Service as a means of Love

When most think of the word service, one of the first things that comes to mind is laborious. When we serve our fellow man or our loved ones, it does not have to be labor intensive. When we serve others from a place of Love, of Kindness, it no longer becomes like work. What some fail to realize is that when we serve others, the rewards we get are so much greater. Not monetarily, but it rewards the heart. One of the most rewarding feelings there is, is to give and serve without others knowing. In my opinion, this fills the heart more than anything else and from a Universal standpoint, it will, and it must return to the giver, more often than not 10 fold, even 100 fold. This has been my personal experience. Asking our Loved ones, what can I do for you? Sends a message of genuine and sincere caring, and selflessness. Since I am human I must also remember that people use words as well as actions to express this. And we must remember that although it may not be reciprocated the same exact way, its sincerity should not be questioned. Basically…having an expectation. If we choose to live a life without expectations, we will never be let down or disappointed. Our humanness and our egos will ultimately always try to set them, and when we become aware of this, we continue to evolve to a place of consciousness, being present in the moment.

Copyright 2019

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