Page 2 of 2

Wedding Eve…

This is what I wrote to Suzann the night before we got married…She was somewhat traditional so I did not see her until the next morning at our wedding. So I was left with just my thoughts, thoughts that needed to be written, spoken, heard, and understood. When I speak from a place of Love, the words just come to me.

Tomorrow I will make the woman I love my wife. I can’t seem to imagine her not in my life

She always has a smile and a laugh to give, and still finds it in her heart to forgive

Some days she is flighty, and some days she is meek, then there are the days she gives too much and feels weak

It is in those moments where lies the woman I admire, she has those traits that only those can aspire

I know I have found a woman, deep down in my heart, who will never let this world tear us apart

Tomorrow I will honor her, and to her myself. It is through trust and faith in the universe that this can be felt

I spent so long trying to find all the wrong. When I finally saw…it was her that had my heart all along

When I opened my heart and my eyes it was then and only then, that I heard her song

Her song is full of passion, of love, and fate. It moved me so deeply that I knew I could never hate

I have not only love to truly give, and give it freely I shall do, that would be the only thing that I could ever request of you

I admire her, I Love her, I want her, I want to continue on this journey with no one but her

I love you woman, never lose sight of that, even when there are life’s little spats

I give to you all of me, my love, my unwavering loyalty. I may stumble and I may fall, but it is you that will remind me that its ok get back up even if you have to crawl

I look forward to each and every day I have with you, even its little to no words, it’s in these NOW moments when our souls can be heard

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am grateful and humbled to be so blessed with such an amazing, fun, smart, funny, beautiful, loving, caring, giving, and yes adventurous woman

All my Love to you, only you, and always to you, Ken

Copyright 2019

…Marriage after loss

It took me 3 and 1/2 years to remarry again. I cannot begin to express the fear I had of doing it again. The fear came from a place of just not knowing, not knowing what the future holds. Which actually goes against what I believe. The woman I married…Suzann, I can honestly say that I love all of her. It took a lot of patience and acceptance. The first year of our relationship was on and off because I would get scared, or I would judge, or judge motives. It was not in my nature to judge, I can only say that it came from fear. There are but two feelings, fear and Love. I spent the first year and a half in fear.  When I finally stepped back and stopped judging, I began to live in a place of Love. Do fears creep in from time to time, yes they do. When I am in a place of Love my words are very different. I do my best to speak from a place of Love, Kindness, and Compassion. As all the rest of us, I am still human and will always strive to be a better human than the day before, more importantly, I will learn from my mistakes, because I will always make them. Last time I checked I was not Buddha, Muhammed, Allah, or Jesus.

This is a poem I wrote to my fiance, the day I proposed.

For my wife to be…Suzann

To the woman, the only one I see, the one who is most beautiful to me

Don’t be scared, don’t be afraid, do not fear to be who you are meant to be

I love you, all of you, I promise to love you, and you that has yet to be

Your uneasy feelings of being in a place you have never been, never seen, never felt, allow them to be

Do not fear the unknown, only know that all has lead to where you are supposed to be, that is here with me

I am proud of the woman that has grown, ups and downs, we all have them

We all grow when given a chance, the Universe has kept us together, not by happenstance

Do not be afraid to let love in, to let love out.

Just know at the end of the day, Love is all there really is, and have no doubt

As an individual you are good, and so am I, both of us together can reach for the sky

I have given you all of me, and I ask the same in return

For I will not judge the scars and the burns, we all have them, they were simply there to help us learn

I Love you woman with every fiber of my being, and I know and feel the same I am seeing

I will not leave your side, I will not stand behind, and I will not stand in front

But very soon I will be at your side, me as your groom, and you as my bride

I am humbled, honored, and proud to have you in my life.

My Love for you will never stop growing  even after you become my wife

All my Love to you, only you and always you, Ken

Copyright 2019

True Love and what it means to me

The following is derived from reflection upon the loss of a loved one. It is in no way intended as a comparison to any past or future relationships.

If someone has had to pleasure and gift of such an experience there is no doubt what it is that one feels. When one is asking another of what is true love, it also tells me that they are seeking it from an external source. Many many people go for many years seeking such Love externally. This kind of seeking love will never be fulfilling. It will never be real, never true, never pure. Only superficial.

Reflecting back in time in late 2013, I recall Tara(now deceased) and I talking. We were talking about love. Our love for not only ourselves but for one another. This conversation did not last just a few mins or even a few hours. We spent an entire weekend talking of this love, this love we had found, or it found Us. Our one desire and one wish was that we wanted everyone to be able to experience this. That this was a must for all to have at least once in their lifetime. We always said we collided at the same time, on the same spot in our spiritual journey. In my opinion, there is but only one way for Love to even be possible. That is by allowing. It can only be said in hind site, that I was actually allowing a teacher into my life, to teach me how to Love.

By allowing what is to be, to just be. We would always say, there is no pushing, no pulling, only allowing. We quickly knew that the Universe was bringing us together for something much larger than either one of us could begin to understand. But how it got to that point, was by allowing. We were both in a place where we were allowing life to come in and not force anything to be as we think it should be. But as it saw fit. It is an amazing feeling to not force life to operate on our timetables. Which is, of course, the ego-driven life.  We were free of the ego driven life. We had allowed the universe to take its course to bring us together, to experience this unchartered territory. It would forever alter who I am as a man. I think allowing things to be with a great amount of acceptance. We must accept it, whatever it is. It cannot always be seen as bad but as a necessary part of the furthering of the spiritual journey within.

Our discussion on Love would take many twists and turns throughout the course of the weekend. I will state at this point, that none of our discussions were short. We always had so much to say. It felt so very important to both of us that we share these things, anything. We did know that is was first and foremost a true love of self. One must have an absolute Love of self in order to allow for Love to step into our lives. This Love of self is not the conceited love of self, but the pure acceptance of who we are as spiritual beings living a human existence. Love comes from within, that where it all starts. How can we expect to love another and not love ourselves first? Doing so without the love of self first is seeking it from external sources. Externally equals temporary and unfulfilled. I think it fair to state that in order to be true to oneself, that one should not seek an unhealthy relationship for the sake of companionship. Herein lies our humanness. Our human need for touch and a warm body nearby. Ultimately when love really fills our heart, there is no need for this. As human beings, we all do ultimately have a genuine need for touch, so it is not to say that that we don’t need it. It’s just to say, do not fulfill this genuine need for touch with something that’s unhealthy, or not good for you.

Those external sources will fill a variety of roles for that person. It fills a perceived void in their lives, where one thinks that they are not complete without another. This turns into an unhealthy relationship. When one requires another for “completeness”, it becomes somewhat codependent. When we have Love from within, we do not need another person to make us whole. We are already whole. External sources will also rid one of fear, the fear of being alone. The kicker here is that when we come from a place of love in our everyday lives, we are Love, we are not alone. Fill the heart with Love, and fear will subside if not completely disappear.

In order to experience love, we also came to the conclusion that one must live in it. If we as people have hatred for others, there is no way to feel this kind of love. It just is not possible. We must have a love for all beings, big and small. This, of course, includes nature. Living in love is, and can be expressed in our everyday lives. With those we interact with, the people we meet on the street. This does not mean to go up to everyone and say “I love you”, but feel it in your heart. They too have the ability to love beyond limits. It is vital to treat all with love. This helps to eradicate any feelings of dislike or hatred, and I also believe division. Which brings me to the next part,  unity; the opposite of division.

Living a life of divisiveness cannot lead to love. If we are whole as people, why would we think of ourselves as divided from another, think that we are better than another? We all come from the same place, we are all one. Our world today is filled with division, we just don’t always see it. We take whole races and religious sects and think of them as different. Or think that they are wrong. No one is wrong, no one is right for that matter. We just are. This topic itself could be discussed in much greater detail, but that would detract from the original intention. I witness division every day. The beauty of this is that I am aware that it is division, I do not, however, have to take part in it. So to ask the question, how can you have a love for all, but hate something? it cannot exist together. Anything less is not love.

I think that Love cannot be discussed without gratitude. To be truly grateful for all we are, for what we have, for who we are. I was so grateful that she was a part of my life. That we could share our lives with each other. It was not a requirement that they be in it. Just to share in it. To accentuate that which we already had. A very beautiful place to be in. I was truly humbled and grateful to be in her presence. I was grateful for each and every moment we spent talking, laughing, or just in silence. It was as if we didn’t have to say anything, we just knew.

One of the hardest things to do is to work on oneself to be the healthiest they can be before entering into a love based relationship. And I stress love-based relationship as opposed to lust based. We as humans have become impatient, we want it now. Patience is required here. I say this in the context of those things mentioned earlier, allowing, accepting, unity(non-divisiveness), gratitude and now patience. Patience is vastly underrated and cannot be overstated. We must be patient with ourselves to allow for the universe to work in its time. We as humans think we can control outcomes or situations or even decide who is best for us by limiting who is allowed to love us. We limit with educational requirements, income, material possessions, skin color, religious affiliations. All of which are a form of division and ultimately come from a place of fear. Again fill the heart with love, and love will find you. It is the simple law of attraction. We can’t completely get rid of the ego, but we can limit its control over our thoughts and ultimately actions. Think about it for a moment, an argument with someone is the ego defending its position on something, usually division. The ego does not want to be wrong, it must be right and always in fear and defense mode. Let it go and fear will leave you. Fill it with Love, and love will find you. We are all energetic vibrational beings. The laws of physics even state that you will be found. And the law of attraction makes it so.

The beauty of true love is that it has no boundaries. It is limitless and infinite. I learned a long time ago,  that if you have to ask yourself whether or not someone loves you, then they don’t. Love cannot contain itself. This sounds harsh, but it is true. Love will express itself in the sweetest of subtle ways. If we are not looking we would clearly miss them. The point is to have one’s eyes wide open, and the heart even wider. Since we are all one, we all have the ability to love without limits. There are those who choose differently, and for those, my hope is one day the light comes shining in. In the end, there is no one thought, one word, or even many words that describe true love. It cannot be described, therefore, true love is simply indescribable. You will know it when there are no words to accurately describe how you feel about someone. I know this because I have tried. I still cannot explain it.

Copyright 2019

Newer posts »