Our gifts

Our gifts

OCTOBER 2, 2019 / KENNETH LAWS II / 0 COMMENTS

Tonight, I have been inspired to write about gifts, to be more specific, the gifts we have either received or become aware of. In my limited personal experience, it has been the gift I have become aware of. My gift is the gift of writing.

I did not become aware of this gift until 5 years ago when a series of life altering events occurred in my life. It was then when I began to evaluate what happened in my life and began to journal about those events. After a short period of time I began to realize that I had been given a gift of writing, one in which I had not become aware of until that very moment.

I began to write of love and the wisdom I had gained from life experiences. I came to realize that what I was putting on paper, or typing, was beyond my years. It was then, and only then, when I realized that I had something to give, something to share. It has now become my purpose to share with any and all who will listen the importance of love and acceptance for all, no matter what their personal beliefs are.

I had been bestowed a gift of sharing my life’s experiences with all who would listen as it relates to love and oneness. I feel the need to write about love, simply because it is the opposite of hate, something we have too much of today. I write of oneness simply because we have so much division in our daily lives portrayed upon us today.

Hate and division will completely destroy a nation, if not the whole world as we know it. I simply do not understand why we must take sides with every action that is placed before us by our people and our governments. I know in my heart that any division created within a country makes the people of that country more reliant on the government, or those that rule the nation.

I think we have all heard the phrase” a divided country we will fall and united we will stand”. I am of the belief that all people as a whole are starting to see the truth that lies before them, we all come from the same place, the same people. If we were to look at it from a biblical standpoint, we ALL came from Adam and Eve.

I am not stating that I simply subscribe to Christianity as a whole, but I do subscribe to Humanity, and loving-kindness. If we could only open our eyes just a little wider and understand that all religious beliefs are derived from the same principle of nothing other than love. In the end, they all teach love, unity, oneness and kindness.

As a human race, non-secular, we can succeed in moving past our differences, and move towards a more unified body as a whole. This can be very hard to conceive when we rely on TV and social media as our only outlet for news. The media will give to you what they want you to believe, it has been proven time and time again. Social media has been able to tap into your likes and dislikes and continue to place in front of you that which you subscribe to and allows for no other opinion other than that which you believe.

I will quote something I heard today, “That which you focus on will be your life”. In other words, if you continue to focus on lack and need, you will always lack and need. If you continue to focus on division, you will always be divided, seeing only black and white, so to speak. There is no need to create animosity or differences among people of different backgrounds or religions or opinions for that matter, we should simply seek the similarities that we all have. We all, and this is an assumption, seek to live a happy, peaceful, and rewarding life.

This in and of itself can take up an entire page, so I will keep this limited. It all depends on our definitions of happy, peaceful and rewarding life. I do know that we can all agree on basic principles of living which include living in a peaceful environment, happy without seeing others in pain or suffering, and rewarding in knowing that we are giving back to humanity in some fashion. Happy, well that depends on what each one of us defines as “Happy”. I can say that when I can experience all of the above then I am happy.

I am of the belief that we can all achieve this by seeking the similarities we have instead of the differences. I go back to that which we focus on, when we seek nothing but differences, we will always see them. When we look for similarities in humankind, we will always see them. All it takes is to open our eyes a little bit wider to see that we all have a common goal; to live in peace and happiness.

I will end by saying that I cannot name a single person who seeks happiness by living in a divided land full of war and poverty, it simply cannot exist. I cannot name a person who seeks peace by living in a divided land, it simply cannot exist.

When we ultimately think that we are better than another human being, we are not seeking peace, we are seeking control. When we think that money will buy all the happiness we can stand, ask those who are genuinely happy without it. May we find that it all exists within the simplicity of our daily lives. That is, in my limited personal experience, where ultimate peace from within lies.

Namaste~ my friends

The Amazing Mind

I sit today and wonder at how our minds and subconscious try and tell us things about ourselves that need to be addressed. My particular mind has been on overtime as of late and decided to take a rest yesterday. Funny thing, it happens about 2 days before a full moon. What I have found is that it ONLY happens when I am more in tune, more awake, more aware, and overall consciously living.

In my opinion the mind is connected to a conscious universe that will put in place that which we think into it. As a direct result the mind can also tell us things that we need to know, and some we don’t. These can be sometimes hard to see or recognize and can come in many forms. This is where being awake enough to recognize it and do something about it comes into play. First it must be considered if it really does have some significant value. We, dare I say, ALWAYS, have two choices…to discard it, or to recognize it and address it. If we find that is has value then, and only then can we address it.

I know I may seem a bit vague here, but these things really come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, thoughts, people, dreams, deja vu moments. As far as addressing whatever it may be, that is solely up to us if we want to continue to grow. Many of the things placed before us are for that very reason, growth. It may be mental, physical, or spiritual. I might add that growth is not always a pleasant thing. In fact, in most cases, there is some pain associated with it, hence the phrase “growing pains”. Our minds, subconsciously and otherwise, try to get us to see certain things it feels it needs to continue to evolve.

We rarely remain in a constant state, other than the constant state of flux. I am of the opinion that our minds really do feed the soul. The soul could be considered as the ultimate recipient of the growth involved. I always say the only constant in life is that of change.

Copyright 2019

Dreams

I am one who thinks that our dreams have meaning, but not all of them. There are ones that can be very profound and speak to you in ways that your awakened mind cannot. I think there are also dreams that can be interpreted or misinterpreted. I do believe it depends on the website you are visiting. I speak of this particular subject because sometimes dreams are easy to read into. I think they can be made out to be whatever our imagination and or mood is at the time. And when overthought about it, it can cloud our hearts and our minds. I would like to share two examples.

The first real and profound dream I had came about two and a half years after my fiance (Tara) passed away. Funny thing was, that I had not had any of her except this. I had just bought a new pair of sneakers, which I normally will wear them until they wear out, but I was overdue.

I woke up in the middle of the night to open my eyes to what I would call a moving blackness that seemed to swirl around the room. It didn’t seem to bother me so I went back to sleep. It seems as though I feel asleep quickly and began my short dream. Tara was standing near the bed looking at my new shoes. It was then that she looked at me and said you need to get some new shoes. My reply was that I just got new shoes. She then said in a stern voice, No! You need to get a new pair of shoes and use them. Then she left.

When I awoke in the morning, I knew exactly what she was talking about. She was telling me to move forward. I was in a relationship at the time with my now wife, but I had become reluctant to give myself fully. To me this was a clear sign that I needed to move forward and allow myself to go through the process. To me it was profound and had meaning.

A second dream was one that I had of a mentor of mine. He had been very ill and placed on life support. At the families request they asked for no visitors. The night before I found out he was on life support, he came to me in a dream. We were on a golf course and he was walking away from me up the fairway. He turned to me, tipped his hat, and said, “see you around old buddy”. He passed away 3 days later.

This is profound to me because he did something that I was unable to do, and that was to say goodbye. When I awoke the next morning is when I began to place phone calls to see how he was doing. It wasn’t until then that I knew he was on life support. Something I will never forget and I know I will see him again one day.

Copyright 2019

Inspired by the Heart

Today I was inspired to write about the heart, or my heart more specifically. The heart in general can such a touchy subject matter, often wavering between the physical and the non-physical. I reference my heart today, as well as my soul in the non-physical form.. Funny thing with hearts, they can be so fragile, yet so resilient.

My heart tends to remain happy. My heart is so grateful that it gets to share this journey of life with my best friend, my companion, my lover, and dare I say my soul mate.

Souls, this is what really leads my topic today. I think souls seek out to find balance in the Universe, meaning they seek out other souls unlike them. Most would probably disagree with the above but think about it for a moment…If our heart and souls sought out something similar or the same it never presents a challenge. No challenge equals no growth.

Think about it like this, if you consistently surround yourself with people who think, act, and believe exactly as you do, there is nothing there to challenge our intellect. I believe most surround themselves with sameness because its comfortable. This is where the mundane and the ordinary lye. It is outside of this comfort zone where real growth and evolution happen. If there were never any questions then how can there possibly be any growth? Both mentally and spiritually? I believe our souls, when we really listen to them do the same thing. They have to evolve and grow. It does not mean your chosen soul has to be challenging in a negative way, although it can be at times. But it challenges who we think we should be. When our souls lead us to who we really are and who we are to become.

I have been blessed to have found the one soul that is, in my opinion, the yin to my yang. Does it meant that everything is always easy, no! Go back to the thought of comfortable. Change and growth lies in the areas of discomfort, which most humans cannot stand, unless they are willing to follow their heart and soul to the one that will promote this very growth and evolution it seeks. It just so happens that I love and care for this soul so very deeply, and as a direct result I hold her heart ever so gently, yet firmly in my hands. Caring for it always, how it feels and responds and grows with mine.

This heart and soul belongs to my wife Suzann. Funny how people can be so very similar and yet so very different. It is actually in the differences where the balance lies. I know this can be hard to comprehend but if you have two people on the same side of a see-saw, its just going to stay there. But, one on each end balances it out, although it may wax and wane, it becomes balanced. I call this the spice of our life. It makes life interesting, fun, different and yes sometimes challenging. I have to remind myself sometimes it is here where growth is. It, my soul, knows what it needs, I just have to make sure that I always continue to listen and follow it. These differences are not meant to change or sway one another to our own opinions, they are simply there for continued growth and evolution. In my limited personal experience it is in the growth where life continues to be amazing, amazingly different, amazingly fun, and amazingly challenging. I Love you babe, always you, only you!

Copyright 2019

Humanness

Those of us who are on some semblance of a spiritual path in the attempt to find either meaning, purpose, or simply to be open to the lessons from the mistakes along the way, these are my thoughts on humanness, or more accurately described, those things we do and think that go against what we feel we should be thinking.

Fact of the matter is that in our desperate attempts at the above, we will always fall short, be less than perfect. It is here that lies our humanness. I would define it as thinking or speaking anything other than what we feel we should be. It is in accepting this part of our brains that venture outside the realms in which we think we should exist.

It is also in this acceptance where we must have compassion for ourselves in thinking, acting, and sometimes reacting to lifes little lessons and tests that come our way. The most important thing we can do is have an awareness when these do occur. The awareness gives us the opportunity to address it, change it, and do it better next time.

Spending the time beating ourselves up over what ultimately are the trivialities of life is futile. Nothing is learned here. TBC…

Copyright 2019

Change

Could not fall back to sleep this morning. So I decided to do some writing instead. As of late I am undergoing an internal process of change, one that has become painful. Funny how we seem to think that we have completely dealt with our own issues from the past. I am in no way saying that I need to live in it, however, to be completely free of any “baggage” that has remained, it must be acknowledged, addressed, and dealt with.

The word change is an oxymoron. Change by the very definition is a transformation or transition from one state, condition, or phase to another: the change of seasons. Yet change is the only thing that remains constant. It is one of the very few reliable constants we experience every day of our lives. Literally, everything will change, whether we like it or not. Most will try to control the change that occurs so it is always to our liking and specifications. Which is the ego running our lives. This will always lead to unhappiness and discontent, feeling unfulfilled with our lives.

I am not one of those people who can just let life pass me by without trying to be the best person I can be, or should I say at least trying to be better than I was the day before. Being that, to me, means simply being authentic and genuine. It is during these times when I feel most at peace with myself and everyone around me. As I stated in an earlier post it seems to me that I wax and wane from time to time. I think its human nature to do so. I also believe that its the Universes way of keeping us in check. After all, it will continue to place in front of you that which you have yet to learn, and will continue to do so until you do. We always seem to wonder why we continue to recreate experiences from the past…this is why. It will continue until we finally get it, and make a conscious choice to learn from it, and grow into our true selves.

With this process I think it must be said that there is and has to be a great amount of acceptance for those in our lives. I mean accepting all people for exactly where they are. This is not directed towards anyone in particular, but simply accepting everyone and how they choose to live and experience life. With this comes acceptance of our own selves and our humanness first and foremost. How can we accept another if we cannot accept ourselves? I am one who can be particularly hard on myself, which didn’t just happen over night. I too must accept myself exactly where I am, and trust in the Universe to guide me wherever it sees fit. I must allow, and I stress the word allow, this to happen, instead of forcing life. Life becomes so much more difficult, unfulfilling, and frustrating when we constantly force things, especially as it relates to our own personal growth.

I do not necessarily believe in spending my entire life to find, or define my lifes purpose. I do think however that we are guided to do certain things to contribute to the well being of not only ourselves, but humanity as a whole. We simply have to open our eyes enough and be willing to take on the challenge. Yes there are those who have a “calling” so to speak, but I do feel that has to eventually change to some degree as we never stay exactly the same. We are constantly growing and evolving, and with our experiences comes change. If we choose to close the doors placed before us, we then become stagnant in our ever evolving growth process. Those who choose this way of life, in my opinion, will always be unhappy and unfulfilled. Seeking a better life, happier life, doing the same thing they have always done without growing and learning will always produce the same results. This would be the Universe, yet again, continuing to place in front of you that which you have yet to learn.

Copyright 2019

The Importance of Silence

I have come to understand the importance of silence, not only while alone, but also with another, in my case my wife. I am a thinker, an analyzer, an observer, basically speaking I sometimes mistake the silence for there being something wrong. At least that what my overactive brain tells me. It is in these moments when I must shut my brain off and open my heart.

When I am active in my head I tend to assume that there must be something wrong. That in turn leads to questions, and the answers to those questions are never fully satisfied in the moments of silence. When I just listen to the silence with my heart, it in turn has no questions, no judgement, no assumptions. It is in these moments of quiet with my heart open that I must respect the other persons wishes to do so. Their reasons are varied, however, when it is stated to just be, just be in silence, and when I respect her wishes, that is when I feel closest at that moment with my wife. There are times when that is the only way to just slow down while in the presence of another. Sitting closely, holding hands, and just being. Being present without words spoken.

This is something that I actually struggle with. I often have questions to which I just need the answers to. Sometimes the questions are trivial, sometimes not. I am learning that silence, and I mean the comfortable type, is just ok. Where I need to be a bit more understanding is when another has had an extremely long week, talking all week, and listening to another persons woes, just does not feel like talking, or answering lots of questions for that matter.

On the other hand, when I genuinely respect the silence, it is reciprocated in many other ways. Sitting together even closer, holding each other, with the occasional gentle kiss with an even deeper loving look into my eyes. I have found that there is nothing quite like it. I have come to the realization that the deepest connection between two people happens when there are no words used at all.

I chose to write about my humanness, because I am far from perfect. One thing I do try and do is learn from these little lessons in life that teach me to be a better listener, a better husband, and a better friend. When I fail to recognize my faults and flaws, and more importantly, own them, then I have become unteachable. I must always be willing to take a look in the mirror, and remain teachable.

So what did I really learn from all this? Silence and quiet are just as important as communication. Words can tend to cloud our feelings and emotions, if not alter them all together. It is in this silence where the most tender of moments can be felt, experienced, and cherished with the heart. Tonight I am grateful for the moments of silence uncomplicated with words.

Copyright 2019

A look back…

I was recently asked to look back at my life over the last few years. Something I don’t particularly like to do, but need to do none the less. Upon reflection of this it became somewhat painful, almost in a way of reliving whatever it was that I was talking about.

I have come to understand why this may be necessary to do from time to time. Not in a way of visiting it just to tell a story, but in a way of learning more about myself, as well as what did I learn from it? In this particular case pain is a necessary part of our human growth and evolution. We must know and recognize the pain in order to know and recognize joy, and inner peace.

Copyright 2019

If I knew I was going to die soon, what would I do? How would I feel? How would I live?

I’ve pondered this since learning of people in my life who have been given a very finite time in which they will live. It came flooding in as I was laying in bed last night.

Morbid topic, I know, but I think it must be considered when we have a choice to really live. Truth is we don’t know when we will cease to exist on this human earthly plane. It could be 6 minutes, 6 days, or 60 years. So why is it that people choose not to live life fully? Fully present? Fully aware? Fully awake? Why do we as humans choose anything less? I think it stems from fear.

I think many have a fear of the unknown, fear of letting go, a genuine fear of not being able to control what comes in and out of our lives, despite our most valiant attempts. We must control our lives so that we can control the outcome. Ha! Such bullshit! Are we that egotistical to actually think we can control everything?

It has been in my limited personal experience that life, living, gives back what we put into it. So…back to the original question, what would I do? I guess that would all depend on what I perceive would bring me inner peace and happiness. If I believe that I am the soul creator of my own inner peace, happiness, and real joy, then I know there is no external force, thing, experience, or activity that could possibly takes its place. On the contrary, if I sought happiness from others, from people, from experiences then I would have to say that I would be totally wreckless in seeking that which I thought would bring me happiness. Which of course is only temporary. I would do it selfishly, for my own gain.

I am grateful to not be that way at all. So…what would I do? I would make sure to show those around me unconditional love. I would teach any and all willing to listen what it really means to live and love without limits. We are all teachers and students at various points in our lives. Old age, in my opinion, does not qualify a person to be a teacher, for they may still have much to learn. Experiences don’t necessarily qualify a person either. Wisdom does come from experiences, life, mistakes, being human…but wisdom in which to teach, to share, comes from learning from all those things put before us in our lives. All placed before each and every one of us to make us better people, kinder people, more compassionate people, more loving people. If we could all just open our eyes wide enough to see the lessons in everything.

Imagine if a very selfish person who was filled with hate, division, and negativity actually got a taste of what it feels like to live a life of bliss and a life of joy. Whether or not they actually do some work and allow it is irrelevant at this point. But what if they could get a glimpse of it, feel it for just a day? Imagine the impact this could have on their life. I think this begs to ask, how can we take someone from their own personal hell, to a life of bliss? The simple answer, one moment at a time. Being absolutely present in it, being fully present in our interactions. Treating that moment and each one thereafter as if it was your last.

Why is it that something so simple can be so complex? Many are busy trying to control the outcomes of there lives. Shaping and molding it so that the ending fits the one living in their head. Yes our lives are malleable to a certain extent. And yes I believe we can attract more positive in our lives with right motive, right thought, and right action. But we must give up the illusion that we are in total control in our lives. Living this way will always create fear and anxiety, and ultimately disappointment. When we have these expectations of how our lives should be, we will always be disappointed and let down. Nothing will ever be enough.

We as humans tend to live our lives with the age old question, whats next? Truth be known there is no whats next. This only exists in our minds, going from one thing to the next without much thought, without slowing down enough to actually be present in that which we are doing this very moment. Back to why is this so complex? Our minds/egos use activities to fulfill what it perceives to be happiness. The sad reality of this is that it is only temporary. Then once the mind becomes bored and no longer fulfilled, its on to the next thing on its agenda. All of this is but a mere illusion the mind plays on us in order to create the outcome of our lives. To create yet another illusion of living and being successful.

In my opinion the success of our lives lies in our day to day, moment to moment thoughts, actions, and interactions. The idea of “the american dream” has been created to imprison each and every one of us to work and slave ourselves to death so that we can attain the american dream. When we fall prey to this we create our own prison. We have sentenced ourselves to working our lives away just to keep all the things that make up the american dream. Something most of us were taught as children. You need to have this to be successful in life. So as a result, success, happiness, and joy were instilled in us very early on as a comparison to everyone else, or as we were told how it should be. In case you haven’t figured this out, this is all an illusion. Our happiness, success, and joy should never be compared with another, nor established by another.

In the end, to quote a Tim McGraw song, we should all “live like we were dying”. This is in no way an excuse for bad or harmful behavior, but simply as way to be, a way to live. It is the only way in which to grow, to love, to be kind, and compassionate towards others. And ultimately live with no judgment, and most importantly, live a life free of fear. So forgive yourself for your past mistakes, learn from them. They were all placed there by design to help us become better human beings. Forget the future, that’s where the fear lies. There is no future, all we really have is right now.

Copyright 2019

Being Present…12/28/2018

I happened across this today while going through some old files on a hard drive. It contains not only some of my files, but some of my wifes as well. This was something that she had saved from quite some time ago, most likely during one of our “off” moments.

The reason this is significant and profound is that this is exactly how I have been feeling lately, or should I say, demanding. It took several reads to finally get my ego in check, to the point where I had to look in the mirror. It’s not easy admitted one’s own faults and flaws, but in my case this was very necessary.

You see, I am a thinker, an overthinker. Sometimes I let my brains cloud my heart, when I know better. My brains have gotten me into much more trouble than my heart has. Yet I will still find some way to justify using my brains, instead of just trusting in my heart.

This particular site and post for that matter is not read by many, and that’s ok. It is a means of self expression and an outlet for some of my deepest thoughts. I don’t seek the approval of anyone, but I do have to own my shit so to speak. This is my way of cleaning my side of the street so that I can lay my head down at night. Of course sometimes it just takes time.

Please read the following excerpt and ponder it. Ponder it until it finally hits you square in the face, I am human, I am not perfect, I will always make mistakes, and my brains are not always right.

Copyright 2019

Excerpt from “The Gift From the Sea” found on Todays Weddings website.

By Anne Morrow Lindbergh

When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We  have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor looking forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands. One must accept  them  for what they are here and now, within their limits – islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continually visited and abandoned by the tides.

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh-

Service as a means of Love

When most think of the word service, one of the first things that comes to mind is laborious. When we serve our fellow man or our loved ones, it does not have to be labor intensive. When we serve others from a place of Love, of Kindness, it no longer becomes like work. What some fail to realize is that when we serve others, the rewards we get are so much greater. Not monetarily, but it rewards the heart. One of the most rewarding feelings there is, is to give and serve without others knowing. In my opinion, this fills the heart more than anything else and from a Universal standpoint, it will, and it must return to the giver, more often than not 10 fold, even 100 fold. This has been my personal experience. Asking our Loved ones, what can I do for you? Sends a message of genuine and sincere caring, and selflessness. Since I am human I must also remember that people use words as well as actions to express this. And we must remember that although it may not be reciprocated the same exact way, its sincerity should not be questioned. Basically…having an expectation. If we choose to live a life without expectations, we will never be let down or disappointed. Our humanness and our egos will ultimately always try to set them, and when we become aware of this, we continue to evolve to a place of consciousness, being present in the moment.

Copyright 2019

Evolving

I think and believe that we all evolve at different rates. I do think that this evolution from fear to Love, from unconsciousness to consciousness is in direct proportion to our experiences that precedes both. I do find it interesting that we wax and wane, we go back to revisit the old, for whatever that reason. I think that’s where our minds, our ego likes to step in and try to run the show. I do believe that it does take somewhat of a seeking nature for truth and understanding.

Copyright 2019

Wedding Eve…

This is what I wrote to Suzann the night before we got married…She was somewhat traditional so I did not see her until the next morning at our wedding. So I was left with just my thoughts, thoughts that needed to be written, spoken, heard, and understood. When I speak from a place of Love, the words just come to me.

Tomorrow I will make the woman I love my wife. I can’t seem to imagine her not in my life

She always has a smile and a laugh to give, and still finds it in her heart to forgive

Some days she is flighty, and some days she is meek, then there are the days she gives too much and feels weak

It is in those moments where lies the woman I admire, she has those traits that only those can aspire

I know I have found a woman, deep down in my heart, who will never let this world tear us apart

Tomorrow I will honor her, and to her myself. It is through trust and faith in the universe that this can be felt

I spent so long trying to find all the wrong. When I finally saw…it was her that had my heart all along

When I opened my heart and my eyes it was then and only then, that I heard her song

Her song is full of passion, of love, and fate. It moved me so deeply that I knew I could never hate

I have not only love to truly give, and give it freely I shall do, that would be the only thing that I could ever request of you

I admire her, I Love her, I want her, I want to continue on this journey with no one but her

I love you woman, never lose sight of that, even when there are life’s little spats

I give to you all of me, my love, my unwavering loyalty. I may stumble and I may fall, but it is you that will remind me that its ok get back up even if you have to crawl

I look forward to each and every day I have with you, even its little to no words, it’s in these NOW moments when our souls can be heard

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am grateful and humbled to be so blessed with such an amazing, fun, smart, funny, beautiful, loving, caring, giving, and yes adventurous woman

All my Love to you, only you, and always to you, Ken

Copyright 2019

…Marriage after loss

It took me 3 and 1/2 years to remarry again. I cannot begin to express the fear I had of doing it again. The fear came from a place of just not knowing, not knowing what the future holds. Which actually goes against what I believe. The woman I married…Suzann, I can honestly say that I love all of her. It took a lot of patience and acceptance. The first year of our relationship was on and off because I would get scared, or I would judge, or judge motives. It was not in my nature to judge, I can only say that it came from fear. There are but two feelings, fear and Love. I spent the first year and a half in fear.  When I finally stepped back and stopped judging, I began to live in a place of Love. Do fears creep in from time to time, yes they do. When I am in a place of Love my words are very different. I do my best to speak from a place of Love, Kindness, and Compassion. As all the rest of us, I am still human and will always strive to be a better human than the day before, more importantly, I will learn from my mistakes, because I will always make them. Last time I checked I was not Buddha, Muhammed, Allah, or Jesus.

This is a poem I wrote to my fiance, the day I proposed.

For my wife to be…Suzann

To the woman, the only one I see, the one who is most beautiful to me

Don’t be scared, don’t be afraid, do not fear to be who you are meant to be

I love you, all of you, I promise to love you, and you that has yet to be

Your uneasy feelings of being in a place you have never been, never seen, never felt, allow them to be

Do not fear the unknown, only know that all has lead to where you are supposed to be, that is here with me

I am proud of the woman that has grown, ups and downs, we all have them

We all grow when given a chance, the Universe has kept us together, not by happenstance

Do not be afraid to let love in, to let love out.

Just know at the end of the day, Love is all there really is, and have no doubt

As an individual you are good, and so am I, both of us together can reach for the sky

I have given you all of me, and I ask the same in return

For I will not judge the scars and the burns, we all have them, they were simply there to help us learn

I Love you woman with every fiber of my being, and I know and feel the same I am seeing

I will not leave your side, I will not stand behind, and I will not stand in front

But very soon I will be at your side, me as your groom, and you as my bride

I am humbled, honored, and proud to have you in my life.

My Love for you will never stop growing  even after you become my wife

All my Love to you, only you and always you, Ken

Copyright 2019

True Love and what it means to me

The following is derived from reflection upon the loss of a loved one. It is in no way intended as a comparison to any past or future relationships.

If someone has had to pleasure and gift of such an experience there is no doubt what it is that one feels. When one is asking another of what is true love, it also tells me that they are seeking it from an external source. Many many people go for many years seeking such Love externally. This kind of seeking love will never be fulfilling. It will never be real, never true, never pure. Only superficial.

Reflecting back in time in late 2013, I recall Tara(now deceased) and I talking. We were talking about love. Our love for not only ourselves but for one another. This conversation did not last just a few mins or even a few hours. We spent an entire weekend talking of this love, this love we had found, or it found Us. Our one desire and one wish was that we wanted everyone to be able to experience this. That this was a must for all to have at least once in their lifetime. We always said we collided at the same time, on the same spot in our spiritual journey. In my opinion, there is but only one way for Love to even be possible. That is by allowing. It can only be said in hind site, that I was actually allowing a teacher into my life, to teach me how to Love.

By allowing what is to be, to just be. We would always say, there is no pushing, no pulling, only allowing. We quickly knew that the Universe was bringing us together for something much larger than either one of us could begin to understand. But how it got to that point, was by allowing. We were both in a place where we were allowing life to come in and not force anything to be as we think it should be. But as it saw fit. It is an amazing feeling to not force life to operate on our timetables. Which is, of course, the ego-driven life.  We were free of the ego driven life. We had allowed the universe to take its course to bring us together, to experience this unchartered territory. It would forever alter who I am as a man. I think allowing things to be with a great amount of acceptance. We must accept it, whatever it is. It cannot always be seen as bad but as a necessary part of the furthering of the spiritual journey within.

Our discussion on Love would take many twists and turns throughout the course of the weekend. I will state at this point, that none of our discussions were short. We always had so much to say. It felt so very important to both of us that we share these things, anything. We did know that is was first and foremost a true love of self. One must have an absolute Love of self in order to allow for Love to step into our lives. This Love of self is not the conceited love of self, but the pure acceptance of who we are as spiritual beings living a human existence. Love comes from within, that where it all starts. How can we expect to love another and not love ourselves first? Doing so without the love of self first is seeking it from external sources. Externally equals temporary and unfulfilled. I think it fair to state that in order to be true to oneself, that one should not seek an unhealthy relationship for the sake of companionship. Herein lies our humanness. Our human need for touch and a warm body nearby. Ultimately when love really fills our heart, there is no need for this. As human beings, we all do ultimately have a genuine need for touch, so it is not to say that that we don’t need it. It’s just to say, do not fulfill this genuine need for touch with something that’s unhealthy, or not good for you.

Those external sources will fill a variety of roles for that person. It fills a perceived void in their lives, where one thinks that they are not complete without another. This turns into an unhealthy relationship. When one requires another for “completeness”, it becomes somewhat codependent. When we have Love from within, we do not need another person to make us whole. We are already whole. External sources will also rid one of fear, the fear of being alone. The kicker here is that when we come from a place of love in our everyday lives, we are Love, we are not alone. Fill the heart with Love, and fear will subside if not completely disappear.

In order to experience love, we also came to the conclusion that one must live in it. If we as people have hatred for others, there is no way to feel this kind of love. It just is not possible. We must have a love for all beings, big and small. This, of course, includes nature. Living in love is, and can be expressed in our everyday lives. With those we interact with, the people we meet on the street. This does not mean to go up to everyone and say “I love you”, but feel it in your heart. They too have the ability to love beyond limits. It is vital to treat all with love. This helps to eradicate any feelings of dislike or hatred, and I also believe division. Which brings me to the next part,  unity; the opposite of division.

Living a life of divisiveness cannot lead to love. If we are whole as people, why would we think of ourselves as divided from another, think that we are better than another? We all come from the same place, we are all one. Our world today is filled with division, we just don’t always see it. We take whole races and religious sects and think of them as different. Or think that they are wrong. No one is wrong, no one is right for that matter. We just are. This topic itself could be discussed in much greater detail, but that would detract from the original intention. I witness division every day. The beauty of this is that I am aware that it is division, I do not, however, have to take part in it. So to ask the question, how can you have a love for all, but hate something? it cannot exist together. Anything less is not love.

I think that Love cannot be discussed without gratitude. To be truly grateful for all we are, for what we have, for who we are. I was so grateful that she was a part of my life. That we could share our lives with each other. It was not a requirement that they be in it. Just to share in it. To accentuate that which we already had. A very beautiful place to be in. I was truly humbled and grateful to be in her presence. I was grateful for each and every moment we spent talking, laughing, or just in silence. It was as if we didn’t have to say anything, we just knew.

One of the hardest things to do is to work on oneself to be the healthiest they can be before entering into a love based relationship. And I stress love-based relationship as opposed to lust based. We as humans have become impatient, we want it now. Patience is required here. I say this in the context of those things mentioned earlier, allowing, accepting, unity(non-divisiveness), gratitude and now patience. Patience is vastly underrated and cannot be overstated. We must be patient with ourselves to allow for the universe to work in its time. We as humans think we can control outcomes or situations or even decide who is best for us by limiting who is allowed to love us. We limit with educational requirements, income, material possessions, skin color, religious affiliations. All of which are a form of division and ultimately come from a place of fear. Again fill the heart with love, and love will find you. It is the simple law of attraction. We can’t completely get rid of the ego, but we can limit its control over our thoughts and ultimately actions. Think about it for a moment, an argument with someone is the ego defending its position on something, usually division. The ego does not want to be wrong, it must be right and always in fear and defense mode. Let it go and fear will leave you. Fill it with Love, and love will find you. We are all energetic vibrational beings. The laws of physics even state that you will be found. And the law of attraction makes it so.

The beauty of true love is that it has no boundaries. It is limitless and infinite. I learned a long time ago,  that if you have to ask yourself whether or not someone loves you, then they don’t. Love cannot contain itself. This sounds harsh, but it is true. Love will express itself in the sweetest of subtle ways. If we are not looking we would clearly miss them. The point is to have one’s eyes wide open, and the heart even wider. Since we are all one, we all have the ability to love without limits. There are those who choose differently, and for those, my hope is one day the light comes shining in. In the end, there is no one thought, one word, or even many words that describe true love. It cannot be described, therefore, true love is simply indescribable. You will know it when there are no words to accurately describe how you feel about someone. I know this because I have tried. I still cannot explain it.

Copyright 2019